The promise:
"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

The problem:
School has been getting rougher and rougher. God has placed more and more on my plate. The amount of people I met and got to know is ridiculous. I don't know who are the ones to be much more intentional with. Small group has been rough and it is discouraging because it makes me wonder what my purpose is here for. I feel like I just don't want to sheperd anymore - but I know I can't stop.

The thoughts from this weekend away;
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. When trials come, they will show where my hearts desire is. I have not always been the most amazing student ever. So lately I have been tihnking I need to hit the books as much as possible. My heart's desire has always been to know Christ and to make Him known. Joe reaffirmed that to me this weekend. If I really cared about a certain thing in my life I need to seek it - to make him known in my small groups and the relationships I have made with people this semester. I know I cannot mess up the plans God has for me. Jesus has said lose your life and you will find it - come and follow me.

Yes it has been tough and it will probably get tougher. I can only keep seeking Him because He promises that I/we will find Him.

The following is from a book I have byDietrich Bonhoeffer called The cost of Discipleship.

The cross is laid on every Christian. The first Christ-suffering which every man must experience is the call to abandon the attachments of this world. It is that dying of the old man which is the result of his encounter with Christ. As we embark upon discipleship we surrender ourselves to Christ in union with his death—we give over our lives to death. Thus it begins; the cross is not the terrible end to an otherwise god-fearing and happy life, but it meets us at the beginning of our communion with Christ. When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die. It may be a death like that of the first disciples who had to leave home and work to follow him, or it may be a death like Luther’s, who had to leave the monastery and go out into the world. But it is the same death every time—death in Jesus Christ, the death of the old man at his call.